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Comment & Rate 16-Aug-2014

Dear Diary,

minsan kay langan natn ng space pro. Dapat ang space d pipatagal dahil may tao na umaasa sa araw na ito ngayun q lang na intindhan na kailangan ko sya kaht na snasab ko na galt ako sa kanya .....


the notebook

Comment & Rate 10-Aug-2014

Dear Diary,

I'm a girl and I've never seen this movie. I guess it's kinda a big deal for girls. If I've gone this long without seeing it I should be fine, right? The fact my boyfriend never ever lets mechoose what we watch on TV should lower my possibility of seeing this movie. What's the big deal about this movie anyways?



Comment & Rate 22-Jul-2014

Dear Diary,

MERA BIRTH DAY 28.07.2014


Tool box

Comment & Rate 01-Apr-2014

Dear Diary,

How can a guy be a total tool yet not actually own any tools...not a screw driver, a wrench, a hammer?


Fam Damnly

Comment & Rate 25-Mar-2014

Dear Diary,

I am sick of writing about my demented family. My sisters just called me via speaker phone to bitch about the criminally insane members of our family, namely Grandma. Yes, I agree it is bizarre and insensitive for my grandmother to telephone my sister, lecture her, and tell her she is an ungrateful, ungiving brat especially after she has been there to help my grandma in her failing mental and physical state. However, at the end of the day, Grandma is losing it, all of it. She already lost a majority of it, I’m sure through electric shock treatment, and I am not sure how much she had to start with. Calling me and telling me about the scenario in a yelling, complaint driven tone is not a pleasant experience for me. This situation only becomes more ridiculous when my sister goes on to tell me she isn’t picking up her phone when grandma calls and she makes a point to say “Grandma hasn’t even apologized.” Yeah, no shit, Grandma needs no apologies.


Bathroom break

Comment & Rate 20-Mar-2014

Dear Diary,

Couldn't sleep. I decided at 3 o'clock this morning to just go into the office. Aside from being able to get shit done without the constant interruptions of these fuck-up co-workers, I also earned the honor of being the first person to rest her ass on the clean toilet seats. Bonus!!


Jamo cleanse

Comment & Rate 15-Mar-2014

Dear Diary,

I thought about doing a juice cleanse for st. Patrick's day weekend, but I'm not sure how Jamo will mix with fruit and veggie juice.


Hammer time

Comment & Rate 06-Mar-2014

Dear Diary,

At first I thought that maybe it was passionate sex then I realized it was jack hammer pounding or the alternative of me doing ALL the work on top. And FYI there are more parts to my body then tits and ass. You're over thirty I'm not drawing you a diagram or giving you a lesson on how to touch women. Thank god for my vibrator.


The Break Up

Comment & Rate 10-Feb-2014

Dear Diary,

I am going to talk about it. He can go on about it too from his perspective. He can talk about my sad suicide attempts and my sleep farting.

I knew things were not going to work out when he described the most tragic part of his life being a bar fight. I don’t want to necessarily want to date another dude with daddy abandonment issues, but I find it silly to relate to some one who is upset about losing a bar fight from two years ago. I am still mad about the bar fight I had with my father from ten years ago.

I do look forward to having my freedom with food again. Dating a guy who counts calories I think may be worse than being in an eternal episode of Sex in the City. I get it. He crossed stereotypes and opened up discussions for men who have body dysmorphia disorder, but sometimes I just want to eat sloppy diner food at four in the morning blacked out with out having a moral discussion of what I am doing to my body.



Comment & Rate 31-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

This morning I got all hopped-up on caffeine and went to battle with a sexist tweeter. The argument is over, but my unused arguments are coming out in the form of stinky anger sweats. #socialjustice



Comment & Rate 31-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,
When it gets cold out, my gay-lady instinct to cohabitate becomes exponentially stronger. I'm about to ask the security guard in my building to move in with me.


I'm a Republican

Comment & Rate 29-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

When looking on Yelp to decide which Planned Parenthood I should go to in order to get my cheap birth control (because I'm slutty yet responsible like that) I was quite entertained by all of the shady reviews about abortions. Even though I'm technically a "Republican..."



Comment & Rate 24-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

If I mouth words at a guy who is looking directly at me and shows absolutely no response, does that mean he was staring at my chest?


Maybe I'll skip that last round of shots this weekend...

Comment & Rate 17-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

Saw a [presumably homeless] man down an entire bottle of Listerine on my 3-stop, 5 minute train ride home from work last night. Depressingly impressive...


Work It Out

Comment & Rate 15-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

Today I saw one of my coworkers in the gym at work. He was wearing a full suit and lifting weights. For one brief, very intense, moment he made eye contact with me. In that moment I thought I was the one who was wrong.


Or maybe just stop eating at your desk

Comment & Rate 11-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

I'm seriously hoping that the fat fuck of a co-worker of mine, Aughra (I call her that because she looks exactly like that Dark Crystal muppet character), falls off her stupid New Years diet over the weekend.

The carrot and celery and apple munching was too much for me this past week. I had to use earplugs just so I could concentrate at my desk. My work life was so much better when she was eating donuts and muffins and coffee cakes...



Comment & Rate 11-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

Tinder. It's nice until you meet a guy whose mutual friend just so happens to be the hot co-worker you made mad, passionate love to, multiple times during "business lunches", over 10 years ago. And who also happens to be the best friend/brother/cousin/father of the guy you just met.

What do you say when you start chatting? "Hey, I slept with your best friend/brother/cousin/father, but I wish I had met you first ?" "Never mind that your best friend/brother/cousin/father made my toes curl and scream so loud it scared the neighbors. I'm sure you're just as skilled in the bedroom." "I'm make such a great girlfriend that even my exes remain close facebook friends with me."

Or maybe you just resort to being friends and never say anything at all, but know that you both know what's up. And maybe you use that info to fuck with him...hint that you know he knows without actually saying anything. That's always fun.

Or maybe you just swipe left and forget that his picture ever came through your Tinder feed.


I'm Back!

Comment & Rate 08-Jan-2014

Dear Diary,

Today, I think I shall call Ted. Perhaps he will reject me, and I will be able to stop thinking of him.



Comment & Rate 11-Dec-2013

Dear Diary,

My Southern Asian mom saw a picture of me and a black friend on Facebook the other day. She immediately sends me this email asking who the guy was and adding that she hoped he wasn't my boyfriend.

"Mom, I can't believe you'd be so racist and closed-minded in this day and age!" I responded by email. "Everyone knows that black guys have the biggest dicks!"

Since then, my phone calls to her have all been going to voicemail.


Baby Picture

Comment & Rate 10-Dec-2013

Dear Diary,

I farted while looking at a picture of my coworker's baby. Now I feel guilty, like I farted on the baby. Worse still, my coworker was not present. I was snooping in his cubicle. He is about to come back to a cloud of stink that he will forever associate with his newborn. I have just ruined this child's life.